Soap is not a condiment
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
