I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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