i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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