I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
