yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
