I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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