her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
