Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
