As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
