My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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