I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
