she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
