I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
