he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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