Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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