I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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