I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
from now on my penis is your penis
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
