You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
