New low: just hacked my moms facebook
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
