I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
