Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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