I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
