oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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