My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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