So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
