i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
