Already got asked if we're dating
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
