I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
