TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
