I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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