How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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