just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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