we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
