yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
