I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
