The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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