I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
