fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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