Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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