I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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