Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize