somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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