Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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