I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
