After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well you can't waste a boner
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
