Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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