He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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