For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
