Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
