Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
