So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
