Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
