Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
