btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
