a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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