Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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