PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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