While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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